


Love and (Snow) War

by EveryOtherUsernameWasTaken6604



Category: South Park
Genre: Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Fanfiction, Fluff, Gay, M/M, Shipping, Snow, Snowball Fight, Winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-01 19:00:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17249633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EveryOtherUsernameWasTaken6604/pseuds/EveryOtherUsernameWasTaken6604
Summary: As winter break begins and Christmas & the new year quickly approach, Kenny organizes a grand snowball fight between the students of South Park High, but with a catch: The winner must challenge him, and if they lose, they will have to go on a date with him. Craig Tucker, as usual, is roped into it against his will; luckily, the smartest power couple in town decides to help him. The battle rages on, and Craig quickly finds himself growing closer to victory- and to Kenny.





	Love and (Snow) War

Craig tapped his pencil on his desk absentmindedly, his eyes focused like a laser on the faintly ticking clock on the wall. His classmates did the same, each of them desperate for that final movement of the hands that would release them from their last lesson of the year. 

Their aging teacher, Mr. Adler, his jowls flapping, addressed them, “We've only got a few minutes left, class, so I’ll tell you now: Merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah, have a great Kwanzaa, happy Festivus…and don’t screw around!”

At the familiar sound of the bell, the students rushed out of the classroom at high speed, pushing and elbowing each other to make room. Mr. Adler quickly sat down at his desk to protect himself from the flood of teenagers. Craig winced as someone's elbow went right into his ribs, and he heard sneering laughter that could only be from Cartman. 

“Watch it, asshat,” he growled, then winced again as he felt a pinch on his ass.

The wave of students burst out of the high school's double doors, and people began to split from the crowd, some in groups and some individually. Rubbing his injury, Craig managed to escape the crowd and started his usual walk down the street, back to his house. 

“ _ Always so much fuckin’ snow here, _ ” he thought as it fell onto his head, covering his chullo hat and jet-black hair with its shimmering whiteness.

“Hey, Tucker, think fast!” 

Craig turned around as he heard the smooth voice behind him, and was met with a faceful of snow. He sighed and shook his head from side to side to clear it off his face and out of his hair.  The boy then saw Kenny, who was grinning widely, the gap in his teeth whistling slightly as air blew through it. 

Craig stopped walking altogether and groaned, “Oh, McCormick. What do you want?” 

“I wanna play in the snow, Tucker! C'mon, it's fun! Watch!” 

Kenny scooped some snow into his gloved hands, formed it into a ball, and hurled it at Tweek, who was standing nearby. When the blond boy turned around and glared, Kenny pointed to Craig. 

“Grr...okay, Craig, you want a fight?! You'll get one!” cried Tweek, beginning to form his own snowball. 

“No, I don't want a- ack!” 

Craig ducked to avoid the snowy projectile, which went whizzing over his head and hit Clyde. 

The brunette turned around and stared at the three of them, who all pointed at each other; unable to determine who had thrown it, he cried, “Okay, you wanna go?! Let's fuckin’ go!” and let three snowballs fly, yelling “Yeet!” with each throw. 

“See? Now we got four people! It's fun!” yelled Kenny as he dodged the snowball. 

Craig turned towards Kenny to respond, “This is not-” but Clyde’s snowball hitting his cheek interrupted his sentence. 

“Okay, okay, fine. I'll do your stupid snowball fight,” he sighed. “But can we all get some time to prepare?” 

“That's a great idea,” Kenny agreed; he then raised his voice and called out, “Hey, everybody, snowball fight! 10 minutes to prepare!” 

Several other students around them gasped, cheered, or smiled, and ran towards the open snow-covered grassy area where the four were. Everyone split off into different sections of the area, some coming together to form teams, and began building forts and piles of snowballs. Craig nonchalantly walked to his own section and began scooping up handfuls of snow to make them into a misshapen pile. 

“Craig, you'll never win like that.”

Craig turned to look towards the source of the sound, instinctively covering his face to protect from snowballs. He heard a soft sigh and opened his eyes to see a ginger-haired boy with a bright green hat.

“I thought you were supposed to be the logical one,” said Kyle. 

“I'm plenty logical. I just don't really care about winning.”

“You may change your mind soon,” Kyle responded, pointing to the center of the area, where Kenny stood with his arms up.

“Attention, everyone! At any point during the fight, if you're taking too much of a beating, you can quit! But whoever quits has to help me set up…” 

Kenny paused for dramatic effect. 

“The Labyrinth of Snow!”

A few people in the crowd gasped.

“And whoever's left at the end has to go through the Labyrinth and fight me! If they can find me and take me down, I'll show up to school dressed, and acting, like Mr. Mackey! You can all have a good laugh at my expense. But!” 

He paused again. 

“If I can get them to quit, they have to take me out on a date!” 

There were even more gasps this time, and Craig swore he heard a thud as someone fell into the snow.

“ _ What the hell's he tryin’ to pull? _ ”

“I assume you don't want to go out with him?” Kyle teasingly asked Craig, smirking. “Or maybe those Asian girls have been shipping the wrong people?” 

“Their OTP's already non-canon,” Tweek added from some distance away, before blushing a little. “R-right, honey?” 

“Yep,” answered Kyle. “Which reminds me: you gotta show me that anime you were talking about.”

“Y-yeah...if I don't have to go out with Kenny first,” the blond giggled. 

Craig rolled his eyes and called out, “All right, lovebirds. You gonna keep teasing me, or help me out? You said I'm not gonna win like this, so you must know how to win, right?”

“Well-” Kyle spoke.

Tweek interjected with, “O-of course we'll help! I-I mean, what are friends for?” 

“If you say so, babe…” sighed the ginger. “Considering we're the smartest couple in town, there's no way we can lose. But if things  _ do  _ start to turn south, I won't hesitate to turn on you,” he warned Craig. 

“Don’t be so dramatic,” came the response. 

The couple moved closer to Craig and examined his attempt at a snow fort. It promptly collapsed, falling into an even more misshapen pile. 

“This is...not ideal,” Tweek meekly said. 

“All right. Craig, you're on snowball duty. And don't laugh because I said the word ‘duty’. Tweek, just follow my orders and we'll have an impenetrable fortress in no time.”

Craig began to form perfectly spherical snowballs and stack them into a pyramid, while Tweek shored up snow wherever Kyle indicated. By the end of the preparation period, they had formed a wall-like partition that they could easily poke out of to fire snowballs and then duck under again.

Smiling proudly as he surveyed their work, Kyle praised, “Great job as always, babe. And good work on those snowballs, Craig.” 

“Anytime,” the noirette lazily responded. 

“The Fortress of Bonds is complete!” Tweek cried happily. 

Kenny stood in the center of the area once again and loudly proclaimed, “Now let the Great Snowball Fight of the year two thousand and eighteen...A.D…on Earth…begin!” 

With that, he ran to the side to dodge the incoming flurry of snowballs.

“All right then! Showtime,” Kyle grinned confidently, his arms folded behind his back.

Tweek giggled slightly, a wide smile on his face, and asked, “D-don't you mean  _ snow _ time?”

Kyle sighed and shook his head slightly, causing a snowball to barely miss him.

“Tweek...this is why I love you,” he said before ducking under the wall. “Craig, you throw snowballs. Tweek, you determine who to target. I'll make more snowballs and repair any damage to the fort.”

They responded with, “I-I'll do my best!” and “Gotcha.”

Tweek and Craig peeked over the top of the snow wall, and Tweek's eyes frantically darted over each of their opponents in turn as he muttered indistinctly.

“Okay, Cartman and Butters haven't built up much yet, since Butters is doing all the work,” Tweek mused, gesturing towards a small patch where Cartman was barking orders at a frightened-looking Butters. “But if we leave them alone, they could be a threat later on.”

“So take ‘em out? Got it,” said Craig as he lifted a few snowballs and prepared to let them loose. 

“Try to hit Cartman a bit harder, though. And don't hurt Butters too bad.”

Craig nodded and threw the snowballs towards Butters and Cartman; with a soft, satisfying thud, the projectiles made contact with their heads, sending both of them falling backwards. 

His voice becoming faster and more excited, Tweek urged Craig, “K-keep going! Don’t let up now!”

Craig grinned and happily obliged, sending more snowballs raining down upon the two.

After being hit a few more times, Butters raised his hands in the air and cried out, “I give up!”

“Goddamnit, Butters!” screamed Cartman, before reluctantly raising his hands and calling, “I give up too.”

As the two stood up and walked over to Kenny, who was piling up snow some distance away, Butters shivered a little, and Cartman compassionately said, “Aw, don't worry, Butters. I'm sure you'll warm up soon from FUCKING ME!”

“Th-that was great, Cr- GAH! Duck!” Tweek cried as a volley of snowballs were fired at them. 

The two took shelter behind the partition again. 

“Ah-hahaha! None shall defeat me and my most loyal friend! Together, we are invincible!” rang a familiar nasal voice.

Kyle glanced over the wall and loudly gasped.

“Wh-what is it, honey?” asked the blond boy worriedly.

“Oh, fuck me in the ass…” Kyle panted. “It's  _ Clyde _ !”

Craig snickered and quietly said, “I'm sure Tweek would love to-” then gasped in turn and spat, “Wait, what?!”

“C-C-Clyde?! Oh, God, agh, he gets so into these things!” 

Simultaneously, Kyle and Craig put their hands on the twitching Tweek's shoulders and said, “Don't worry, sweetheart,” and, “Chill, it'll be fine,” respectively.

All three of them blushed a little, and Kyle resumed looking over their fort. 

“It seems he and Token have built up a giant fortress...it's huge, and looks very well designed. If I can analyze it for long enough, I might be able to find a weakness. I just need you to buy me time,” he said.

“O-okay…” Tweek agreed, shivering a little. “Craig, go for Wendy and Bebe next. Their fort's well-made- and pretty- but they left a gap in the middle to fire snowballs through. So you can get them when they poke through that.”

Craig waited with bated breath until Wendy leaned into the gap to throw a snowball, and threw his own snowball at her, hitting her square in the face. Bebe tried to fire back, but was met with another ball. The girls began to fill the gap with snow, to make up for what they now realized was a glaring weakness, but Craig suppressed them with another round of snowballs; they groaned and threw their hands up in surrender.

“Okay, next, get...Stan! He’s alone, which makes him an easy target.”

Craig obeyed, and Stan was soon showered with snowy missiles and forced to yield. 

“Now Jimmy!”

“Kevin Stoley!”

“Red!”

Tweek continued directing Craig's powerful attacks and making more snowballs as necessary. The others quickly fell before their devastating teamwork, and soon, everyone had surrendered except their team and Clyde & Token. 

“How's it goin’ there, Kyle?” Craig asked, panting softly. 

“I think I've figured it out. Oh, and excellent work, you two!” Kyle responded, smiling. “Those two like to throw all their snowballs at once and then hide again. If we can trick them into blowing all their power and then sneak up behind them, they'll be utterly powerless to stop us.”

“Great idea, honey!” Tweek cried excitedly before lovingly pressing his lips to Kyle's; however, as the latter pointed to Craig, Tweek sheepishly pulled away and the couple blushed heavily.

“A-anyway,” Kyle mumbled, coughing into his hand and continuing, “How are we going to get them to fire everything at us?”

Almost instantly, Craig casually said “I got it,” stood up so he was over the wall, and raised both his middle fingers in the general direction of Clyde's fort, adding, “Hey, Clyde, come and get me.”

Clyde looked over the top of his wall and grinned evilly. 

“Okay then, Craig! Don't say I didn't warn ya,” he taunted. 

He ducked back under the fortress, and within moments, a flurry of snowballs were launched toward Craig, a loud battle cry of “Yeet” accompanying each one. 

Craig quickly ducked to hide; the wall that had seemed so powerful a moment ago now felt ill-suited to deal with this assault. Luckily, it managed to shield them, as he felt no snowballs hit him or the others. However, as the three uncovered their eyes, they saw that their fort had been destroyed by Clyde’s attack; it was just a pile of snow now. 

“No! The Fortress of Bonds has fallen! W-we worked so hard on it…” lamented the blond boy. 

His tone determined, Kyle glared at Clyde's wall and said, “We’ll avenge the fortress, sweetheart, don't you worry. They've hidden to replenish their snowballs. Now's our time to attack.”

“Then let's get ‘em,” grinned Craig. 

Moving quietly and at a moderate pace, the three snuck their way through the snow to the other side of the area. 

“Stop, we're in their blind spot,” Kyle whispered as he held up a hand to indicate they should hold still. “Even if they look up now, they won't be able to see us.”

“Hey, wait. Why’s Kenny here?” whispered Tweek, pointing to the left. 

Craig followed Tweek's pointing finger and saw that Kenny was indeed there; he had his hands in the pockets of his parka and was facing away from them, whistling a tune. 

He grinned again and said, “I dunno, but I'm gonna get him good.”

“Craig, wait!” cried Tweek, reaching out towards the noirette to stop him, but finding himself unable to, as Craig was already scooping up snow and rushing towards Kenny.

Upon reaching him, Craig forced the handfuls of snow into his hood, grabbed it, and pulled it over his head, covering Kenny's head and face with snow. He laughed boisterously as Kenny repeatedly tried and failed to pull his hood off, only managing to catch his breath once the other boy succeeded and sent snow flying in the process.  

“Ah, sorry, McCormick, I just had to-” 

Craig gasped inaudibly when Kenny turned around. Time seemed to slow as he started to shake his head, scattering the glimmering snow and making his sandy blond hair fan out. He stopped and narrowed his blue eyes at Craig, who was struck dumb and wore an expression of shock and awe on his face. 

In that sultry voice that had charmed nearly every student at South Park High, he asked, “What's the matter, Tucker? You fallin’ for me?”

“U-uh…” was all Craig could say.

“C'mon now, there's no need to be so awestruck,” he teased before stepping closer, putting his arms around Craig's waist, and dipping him close to the ground; their faces close together, Kenny breathily said, “It’s only me.”

A snowball soared at them, but thanks to their position, it flew harmlessly over their heads and plopped, rather unceremoniously, down to earth.

“Ooh, looks like that one had a rock in it. Brutal,” Kenny continued.

He was right; the gray rock stood out clearly against the white-blanketed ground. 

“Good thing I'm here to save ya.”

Kenny gave one more devilish smile before helping Craig stand up, letting go of him, and starting to walk away.

“See ya in the labyrinth, Tucker,” he said over his shoulder as he departed. “Hopefully not as a helper.”

Once he regained his senses, Craig ran back to his allies at high speed, his pale cheeks burning red.

The ginger sarcastically greeted him with, “Nice of you to show up.”

“Sorry, Kenny distracted me,” Craig blurted out, not realizing what he was saying.

“Yeah, I bet he ‘distracted’ you,” giggled Tweek.

“Shut up. Let’s just take down Clyde and Token.”

The three continued to sneak closer to Clyde's snow fortress, on higher alert now that the enemy’s snowball reserves were being built up again. Each of them packed a snowball and prepared to throw it on the way, and once they were close enough, they nodded to one another and charged at the vulnerable back end of the wall, where Clyde and Token were making more snowballs. Craig, Tweek, and Kyle hurled their projectiles. They struck the two firmly and sent them hurtling forward into their wall, covering them in even more snow. 

“I  _ told _ you they'd try and sneak up behind us,” Token chidingly said. 

“I surrender,” Clyde shamefully mumbled, and Token followed suit, though his tone was more jovial. 

As they walked away, the three remaining combatants glanced at each other. 

“W-w-well? Who's gonna go into the l-labyrinth?” Tweek nervously stammered, fidgeting with his hands. 

Kyle responded, “There's a simple solution to this,” paused, and suddenly called out, “One, two, three, not it!” 

“Not it!” Tweek quickly called back. 

“Damn it…” 

“To be honest, Craig, you're probably best suited to beat him. Just think about it logically, and you should be able to find your way through,” Kyle reassured. “And if you  _ do  _ lose, you’re single, so there's no problem,” he added, shrugging.

Tweek and Kyle began walking towards the now-massive wall of snow in the distance, holding their hands in the air. Craig sighed, put his hands in his pockets, and followed. As he approached the maze and gazed at it, he found himself surprised, as the walls of the labyrinth were shockingly wide but quite short; he could easily look over them from a standing position.

“ _ How the hell did he…? _ ” 

His thought was cut off as he saw Kenny standing at the entrance to the maze, a few of their classmates around him.

“Was kinda hopin’ it'd be you, Tucker.”

“U-uh, yeah…” Craig stammered..

His face began to flush again. 

He then asked, “So, uh, how'd you build all this, McCormick?” and gestured to the labyrinth. 

“Well, it wasn't so hard once people really started floodin’ in. Guess I should thank ya for takin’ em out so quick.”

“Right…” Craig scratched the back of his head awkwardly. “So, should we get started?” 

“Sure thing!” smiled the blond boy. “You gotta crouch, though, so ya can’t see over the walls. And ya can break through three walls, but if you try to break any more, I've got people waitin’ to pelt ya with snowballs. Whoever gives up first loses.”

Craig nodded, and, grinning and laughing happily, Kenny ran into the maze. The noirette quickly followed, crouching down; upon entering, he ran through a straight corridor for about a minute before meeting a fork in the path. He glanced down the left route, then the right, and found no footsteps or indicator that Kenny had been there. 

“Damn...okay, think logically, Craig,” he muttered aloud. “Aren't you supposed to...keep your hand on the left wall? Yeah, try that.”

The teen turned left and placed his gloved hand onto the left wall of the maze, gently so as not to accidentally break through it. 

“Now just stay on it…”

He continued crawling through the twisting, winding walls of the snowy maze, always keeping his hand on the left wall, and rubbing his lower back from time to time due to the uncomfortable position he was in. As he made his way through, he began to hear Kenny’s joyful laughter from deeper inside, and took that as a sign that he was going the right way. Craig sped up his walk.

Unheeded, the words, “ _ He sounds kinda cute, _ ” floated to the forefront of his thoughts; he blushed again and shook his head. 

He soon met a dead end, but nonchalantly kicked the wall down and kept walking, the falling snow landing on the small areas of pale skin that were uncovered and causing him to shiver, as it melted and ran into his winter clothes. 

Kenny's laughter, mixed with an occasional snort, gradually grew louder, and Craig soon turned a corner to see him building a snowman.

The orange-clad boy looked up from his work and said, “Oh, Tucker! Sorry, I kinda get excited in the snow. It reminds me of playin’ with Karen when she was little.”

“Uh, no need to apologize. I like your snowman,” Craig sheepishly responded, pointing to the completed structure.

“Yeah, me too. So, wanna get this started?” asked Kenny as he stood up, his arms behind his back

Craig nodded again, scooping up some snow and forming it into a ball. 

“‘Kay then! Let's go!” 

Kenny whipped out the snowball he had been hiding behind his back and threw it at his opponent, who did the same; the two orbs collided and sent a burst of snowflakes through the area. Taking advantage of the distraction, Craig formed another ball and let it fly, grinning as he heard the familiar thud that meant it had connected. However, he was soon distracted himself, as Kenny stared at him through the glittering snow with the same half-lidded eyes from earlier. 

“Not bad, Tucker, not bad,” he praised. 

“Uhhh…”

Kenny laughed again, his eyes twinkling with mirth. 

“Sounds about right. Now, you gonna snap out of it and fight, or do you wanna give up now and make it easier?” 

Craig growled a little and responded, “You know me, McCormick: it'll take a lot to get me to give up.” 

“I got a lot to give,” Kenny smiled, winking playfully.

The two quickly formed snowballs and threw them again, then dodged to opposite sides to avoid the projectiles. They continued in this manner for some time before Craig growled again, grabbed a handful of snow, and threw it at Kenny’s face to blind him. The blond gasped and threw up his hand to shield his face, and Craig made two snowballs which he promptly hurled, both of them striking true. 

“You're pretty damn good at this,” Kenny panted as he uncovered his face. “Sorry about this, Mr. Snowman…”

“What are ya- oh, God!” 

Craig dived into the snow and covered the back of his head with his hands, narrowly avoiding the large balls Kenny had thrown that (until recently) made up the snowman.

“Havin’ fun, Tucker?” he heard Kenny call. 

He sprang to his feet and responded, “You know it,” but found that the other teen was missing. 

Kenny's whereabouts were soon revealed; he sprang out from the other side of a nearby wall, letting out a triumphant “Ha-ha!”, and tackled Craig to the ground. 

Both of them started laughing as Kenny weakly tossed snow in Craig’s face, asking “Give up yet?” repeatedly. 

“Okay...okay, ya know what?” Craig said between pants. “Yeah, I give up. You better show me a good time, McCormick.” 

“Of course,” responded Kenny, softly kissing Craig's reddened nose before standing up and casually walking through the hole he had left. “See ya at Stark's Pond, Saturday night at 8?” 

“Yeah...yeah, see ya there,” Craig dumbly answered. 

When he finally managed to stop blushing and fantasizing about their date, he stood up and walked out the same way Kenny had. His heart pounding, Craig made his way home, where the wide smile on his face remained until he snuggled into his bed to sleep later that night, softly mumbling Kenny's name.


End file.
